If Portland Was My Boyfriend

Jamie Kahn

If Portland was my boyfriend

He would wake me up every morning with a cup of coffee

That I would love even if it was too strong

And he would be charming

But not too charming

Hot

But not too hot

He might play the guitar

Or maybe he is a poet

If Portland was my boyfriend

He’d treat me right

At least at first

He’d take me hiking

And tell me how beautiful I look

Even with my short hair and tattoos that seemed to scare off every other boy

Because to him

I am conventionally attractive now

He would be funny

And well-read

And vegan

If Portland was my boyfriend

He’d probably be too cool for me

But I’d manage to get with him anyway